Dear Elsie,
Last month, I saw you live out a parable on the effects of worry that I’ll never forget.
You were building a tower by yourself; you were quiet and diligent and very thoughtful about your creation. I walked into the room with Abigail, and I kneeled down to let her crawl, (all the while planning to keep Abigail from your treasured tower.) I reassured you I would stop her from knocking it down, but you wouldn’t believe me. In your angst, you leaned forward to protect your tower, and to your great dismay, it toppled over and led to many tears.
Sometimes, our fear has harmful results that we don’t intend or expect. I’ve watched you care and worry over many things, and I think I identify with you so much because I’m a lot like you. Those worries can feel consuming- I know. You fixate on a fear and it feels so hard to stop and do the brave thing—like believing Mama’s words, like loving Abigail more than the tower, like going inside the classroom, like trusting.
The Apostle Paul had some struggle with worry too. God called him to lead and care for people, and sometimes his care for them consumed him. It’s difficult to discern from his letters whether his worry was wrong or not. What’s clear is that he deeply cared. And so, we are introduced to a dilemma when it comes to worry and fear. That is, God tells us not to be anxious, but He also calls us to love and invest in people. And that love for people can come with a care and concern that deeply affects us.
Paul had an intense personality, and this flowed over into the way he cared for people. In 2 Corinthians, he talks about how he had written a confrontational letter to the Corinthians, and he was afraid the contents of the letter wouldn’t be received well. In 2 Corinthians 2, he told the church how much he worried about that letter. It affected him so much that he changed his trip itinerary since he wasn’t feeling up to traveling. As he was waiting on Titus to update him on how the Corinthians were doing and how they responded to the letter, Paul explained, “his spirit was not at rest” (2 Corinthians 2:13). At the time, he was in Troas because of an opportunity to share the gospel, but he was too anxious about the situation with the Corinthians to take advantage of the occasion. So, he left to go to the next location on his itinerary. One commentary even suggested that Paul’s anxiety had led him to disobey God’s call in Troas (1). That may be, but what we can see clearly is that Paul’s deep love and care for the Corinthians deeply impacted him and informed his decisions. When we care about things, it affects us.
Paul saw his anxiety as a kind of suffering that was a mark of the gospel’s power in him. In 2 Corinthians 11, when Paul lists his sufferings for Jesus, he includes his “daily anxiety for all the churches.” He deeply loved the churches he shepherded, and there was a crippling anxiety that came with that kind of relationship. It put daily pressure on him. Paul explained, “Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to stumble, and I do not burn with indignation?” ( 2 Corinthians 11:28-29). Paul didn’t sit comfortably at a distance as he oversaw the churches. With the heart of a father, he mourned with those who mourned, and rejoiced with those who rejoiced; he was deeply invested in people, and his sense of responsibility for the maturation of their faith seemed to consume him.
This reminds me a little bit of you, because I have not only seen you worry about block towers and new classrooms, but I’ve seen you deeply care about people, too. When your sister gets in the car after school, you are always the first one to be intentional and ask how her day was and about everything she learned. You don’t speak a word when Mama’s friends try to talk to you, but right when they leave, you talk on and on about how they are your new friend and you tell me all the things you enjoyed about them. You care deeply about your worries and fears, but you also care deeply about people.
There will be times when your worries might be misunderstood by you and by other people. Sometimes your worries will be because of a lack of faith in God’s wise control. And sometimes the root of your worries will feel more confusing; they wont be so black and white (ask me how I know.) It will take people walking beside you and loving you with lots of prayer to help you understand the complexities of your careful heart. And your hope is this: your worries may be misunderstood by people and even your closest loved ones, but they are never misunderstood by your Heavenly Father. And when there is rebellion in your fear and worry, God has overflowing grace and mercy when we come to Him in repentance (you can ask me how I know that, too.)
Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:21 that Jesus became sin for us so that we might become His righteousness. Jesus only had the right kind of care and concern. He trusted His Father wholeheartedly. And as he loved and invested in His work and the people He served, He had holy and pure love. Then Jesus died on the cross for all of our sinful and selfish worries so that we could be forgiven, and we might become His righteousness. That means, if we believe in Jesus, God sees His righteous Son when he looks at us, even with all the complexities of our hearts. He sees us as if we choose the brave thing every time, and He looks at us with Fatherly love. And as He sees us, He walks patiently and tenderly beside us through our fears, helping us breathe through every care.
Honestly, I think the way God sees His people through His Son is something too beautiful to grasp on this earth. But when I think about the way I, your mom, see you in your fear, I think it helps me have a glimpse of the way God sees us through the gospel. Now let me explain that…
Last December you rode your first rollercoaster. I say rollercoaster… and it sort of was. It was a little toddler ride that you rode with your sister where you got to sit in the basket of a hot air balloon as it took you around in a circle. After we asked you if you wanted to go you gave an emphatic “No.” But I watched your little blue eyes follow those beloved balloons and your sister who was waiting in line with your daddy. And you said, “Mama, I want to twy it with sissy.” I was so overjoyed for you being so big. You sat down, I buckled you in, and I went to watch from the gate. As the ride started, you were making your classic ‘i’m trying not to cry but also trying not to smile and please don’t look at me’ face. I watched you intently and cheered you on… but on that third circle around, you had burst open. You were full on screaming for Mama with tears streaming and mouth wide open. And I had only one thought….
She is so brave.
When I look at you as my daughter, I believe God gives me a glimpse of the way He sees us through Christ. I looked at you riding that rainbow hot air balloon and I only saw the bravest girl I know. Through Jesus Christ and His sacrifice, if you trust Him, He places His righteousness onto you. He sees the complexities of your heart that you feel are impossible to understand, but He also sees you as His beloved, brave, and precious daughter.
If we are in Christ, as we navigate the depths of our worries, we have a tender Savior to walk beside us, and a loving Father who sees us through the lens of His perfect and courageous Son. If you trust Him, He will hold your heart gently as he helps you hand it to Him. Your mama and dada love you, and our God has the heart of a Father, and He loves you more. We’ll walk through each worry together and trust in His delight. In Him, we can be brave.
Nothing without Him,
Mom
Garland, David. 2 Corinthians, The New American Commentary, Vol. 29. (Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group, 1999)
I’m printing some bound copies of the letters to the girls, and we would love to share them with you!
I’m almost finished with the letters through 2 Corinthians, and I wanted to compile them so the girls could have hard copies. I let the girls know it would be sort of like a book, and of course, they wanted to be a part of it! So Charis and Elsie are doing the illustrations … they’ve done a beautiful job. :) There’s a sample below… a picture of Charis and Elsie on the balloon ride!
I’m going to order some copies by the end of April. If you would like me to order you one, you can pre-order one at the link below. (Your payment will cover printing and shipping :)).
We’re excited to share it with you!
As always, thank you so much for reading!
Warmly,
Angela Lee